Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
