dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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