4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
