remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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