The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
