I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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