After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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