We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
