If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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