and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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