I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
