do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize