I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
