hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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