no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
