Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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