oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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