theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
