Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
