I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
