Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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