he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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