i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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