i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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