i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
