Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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