Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
