Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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