we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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