Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
