i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You ruined the universe
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