these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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