I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize