i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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