No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
