New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
