I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's the barista slut.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
