Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
