i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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