You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he fucked my hip out of place.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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