How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There r osticjed everywhere
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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