U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
