Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
