His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My cat gives me a boner
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize