I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to make out with him forever
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
