This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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