i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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