he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
