Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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