I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
