is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
