If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize