the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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