You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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