Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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