it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize