i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
