BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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