I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
