his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
