i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
