There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
