woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
