I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
