she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
