You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
