I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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