I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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