the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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