I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize