just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize