apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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