WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
