Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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