Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The air was thick with penises
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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