in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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